i almost got caught stealing a car today.
having re-entered my high school mode of ignoring everything they say, i'll promptly eat my breakfast and then go downstairs to steal my cousin's high speed connection. my cousin rj and christian are watching some punk movie. now, watching rated R movies when you're 13 is ok, but where's the eye gouging action that should accompany youth? so i started throwing cards at them and wouldn't you know it after about a 10 minute 52 card melee, theresa got hit in the eye. i'm such a great influence. they decided to move to a safer activity, like throwing cards at the rooster.
before that though, i went to sports authority to pick up some ping pong balls and a new net. our table has fallen into disrepair since i've left for college, so i'm thinking with a new paddle, a new net, and new balls, i'll be able to learn those kids good. they usually ask for your information to send you flyers, ads, and the usual marketing garbage. i thought i'd inject a little humor into her suburban retail routine, so i replied with
she was not amused. i went to the barber and got my hair cut. the guy cutting my hair goes into the usual shpiel, asking about my major and stuff. it turns out he's a CS major too. so i started asking him about A*. not the best move when he has a blade to your face.
i go out to the parking lot to leave when i see this red neon parked perpendicular to my car, totally blocking my exit path. i don't know what it is about driving, or being near cars, but it just makes me angry. so i waited for a while, trying to make my 6', 100 pound, lanky frame look as menacing as i could. i even rolled up my sleeves to show off my massive-twenty-inch-guns-known-as-arms. but after 10 minutes, no show. so i went into the nearest deli, somehow thinking i would magically be able to identify whatever idiot had blocked my car. unfortunately at that moment, my usually reliable telepathy at failed, so i went back to the parking lot. i sat outside for another 10 minutes trying to think of ways to get back at this character. i looked inside his car to delve into the mind of madness, and i see a 50 cent cd. his seat was also set back all the way and reclined about 5 degrees above the back seat. the red neon should have tipped me off. i was being blocked by a rice boy.
i then noticed that his windows were wide open and...lo and behold, the keys were in the ignition. i'm not sure what it is, but when evil is inspired in men, something convinces them to creep down a little and look around suspiciously multiple times for eye witnesses. i wasn't going to keep his car... i was just going to drive it a mile or so away and park it in some random person's driveway. i had certain details very clearly planned out in my head, such as using my father's winter gloves to drive the car to avoid fingerprints, but "minor details" like how i would get back from a mile away to this parking lot eluded me at that point. i would have loved to see the look on his face, when he walks out and finds out his car is not in the lot, but really parked in some old woman's driveway. yes, it would have been good to see his face at that moment...
...but instead when i was rounding the front of his car, about to open the door, a short flip, around my age (irony?) walks out and says
now, i'm nothing if not honest and i didn't really know what else to say, so i replied
looking at past events with rose colored glasses, i like to think that he saw the humor in the situation and my good intentions. but then again, i really didn't see anything cuz i walked directly back to my car.
and now i have to go outside to chase a foul. don't you hate it when your rooster runs into your neighbor's backyard and starts crapping? i want to tell them that he's just making corn flakes, but i don't think they'll get it.
so i've been home all weekend for holy week. and i think my parents have been watching too much tv. every morning at ~9, my mom will pound on my door and say:
hoy franciskiko. wake up. eat your freedom toast. get a haircut.
having re-entered my high school mode of ignoring everything they say, i'll promptly eat my breakfast and then go downstairs to steal my cousin's high speed connection. my cousin rj and christian are watching some punk movie. now, watching rated R movies when you're 13 is ok, but where's the eye gouging action that should accompany youth? so i started throwing cards at them and wouldn't you know it after about a 10 minute 52 card melee, theresa got hit in the eye. i'm such a great influence. they decided to move to a safer activity, like throwing cards at the rooster.
you know what i hate? that dirty look that people give you when you're trying to steal their car.
so after much pestering, i finally decided to get a haircut this morning. i asked mom my why her nagging is so much more potent in the morning, she said
i guess i just have more energy in the morning
before that though, i went to sports authority to pick up some ping pong balls and a new net. our table has fallen into disrepair since i've left for college, so i'm thinking with a new paddle, a new net, and new balls, i'll be able to learn those kids good. they usually ask for your information to send you flyers, ads, and the usual marketing garbage. i thought i'd inject a little humor into her suburban retail routine, so i replied with
well how YOU doin!
she was not amused. i went to the barber and got my hair cut. the guy cutting my hair goes into the usual shpiel, asking about my major and stuff. it turns out he's a CS major too. so i started asking him about A*. not the best move when he has a blade to your face.
i go out to the parking lot to leave when i see this red neon parked perpendicular to my car, totally blocking my exit path. i don't know what it is about driving, or being near cars, but it just makes me angry. so i waited for a while, trying to make my 6', 100 pound, lanky frame look as menacing as i could. i even rolled up my sleeves to show off my massive-twenty-inch-guns-known-as-arms. but after 10 minutes, no show. so i went into the nearest deli, somehow thinking i would magically be able to identify whatever idiot had blocked my car. unfortunately at that moment, my usually reliable telepathy at failed, so i went back to the parking lot. i sat outside for another 10 minutes trying to think of ways to get back at this character. i looked inside his car to delve into the mind of madness, and i see a 50 cent cd. his seat was also set back all the way and reclined about 5 degrees above the back seat. the red neon should have tipped me off. i was being blocked by a rice boy.
i then noticed that his windows were wide open and...lo and behold, the keys were in the ignition. i'm not sure what it is, but when evil is inspired in men, something convinces them to creep down a little and look around suspiciously multiple times for eye witnesses. i wasn't going to keep his car... i was just going to drive it a mile or so away and park it in some random person's driveway. i had certain details very clearly planned out in my head, such as using my father's winter gloves to drive the car to avoid fingerprints, but "minor details" like how i would get back from a mile away to this parking lot eluded me at that point. i would have loved to see the look on his face, when he walks out and finds out his car is not in the lot, but really parked in some old woman's driveway. yes, it would have been good to see his face at that moment...
...but instead when i was rounding the front of his car, about to open the door, a short flip, around my age (irony?) walks out and says
*points to my car*
oh mah bad, is this your car?
now, i'm nothing if not honest and i didn't really know what else to say, so i replied
yeah, i was about to steal your car
looking at past events with rose colored glasses, i like to think that he saw the humor in the situation and my good intentions. but then again, i really didn't see anything cuz i walked directly back to my car.
and now i have to go outside to chase a foul. don't you hate it when your rooster runs into your neighbor's backyard and starts crapping? i want to tell them that he's just making corn flakes, but i don't think they'll get it.
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