adventures in poor clothing design

• i have a fat head. not figuratively speaking, but literally speaking. as in, the ratio of the circumference of my head to my height is larger than that of the majority of the populace. granted, it's not as big so as to cause birds to fly into it, but still, it's pretty big.
  
  so i usually end up buying L/XL hats. i picked up a L/XL hat at lids the other day and it's still way too tight on my head. i end up getting headaches because this thing ends up depriving my brain of oxygen.

• i picked up a pair of riding jeans at del amo motorsports. they have abrasion resistant knees, but more importantly, they're not tight. i have serious difficulties finding jeans i can wear nowadays. i realize that tight pants are the style now, but i can't have people knowing what's on my mind at all times, can i?
  
  the thing about these pants though is that instead of a zipper, they have this button fly. that's all well and good, but the bike i ride is naked, meaning there is no front windshield or fairing. what ends up happening while riding on cold nights is that arctic blasts of frigid air flow over my gas tank, directly into my crotchticular area. the space between the button flys is just large enough to permit freezing gusts of air to chill the frank and beans. and we know no one likes their franks and beans cold.