adventures in poor clothing design part II

part 2 in an ongoing series

i've never been all that fashion concious. a couple years into college, i hadn't heard of abercrombie and fitch, and i asked my friend yaqub what it was. he told me "abercrombie and fitch is where white people buy expensive clothes to make themselves look poor."

not as a matter of fashion, or as matter of socioeconomic camoflauge, but as a matter of necessity, i've been wearing a lot of distressed style clothing. one reason is that i walk 3 miles to work on the beach and another reason is i hate ironing clothes. for whatever reason these wrinkled and disheveled looking clothes seem in.

i seem to have some unfortunate luck regarding cargo shorts though. article of evidence #1 below, my first pair of cargo shorts. after several several washings, it's a little hard to tell now, but there is a small maroon paint drop on the inner right leg. my roommate and i were painting our apartment in that red color and a drop spilled onto my shorts. subsequently, it has come to be known as my superbad shorts.

to spare me and any post pubescent girl that is standing near me any embarassment, i bought another pair of shorts. i had been using the pair below for a couple years when a few weeks ago i managed to sit in an oil puddle or something. the unfortunate placement of this very permanent brown/black oil stain seems to suggest i have the inability to maintain my internal bowel movements. i'm pretty sure i was wearing these when i saw julia stiles.

to replace the above shorts, i ordered another pair of shorts. it would be my first online clothing purchase evar. upon receiving the shorts, i noticed immediately that the yellow staining they used to give them their distressed look is regrettably placed near the crotchticular area. all of my clothing seems to suggest either a mild incontinence or bad ordering/timing in the hand-belt-zipper-in-the-bathroom department.